Dead Heart

I am not sure if anyone actually reads this or not, but I just need to get some of this stuff out and this seems the easiest way to do it.

I have been in college a year and a half now and it hasn't been the best of time. I have had multiple roommates and haven't really dealt well with most of them. Some were okay, we just didn't mesh as well as other people do. Some were rude a lot of the time, even though he probably wasn't trying to be rude. One I am still not sure about, because we were good friends till we started rooming with each other and we just split apart it seems. Then one in particular I just can't seem to stand. He hurt me greatly and for some reason it is really hard to get over that fact. I have tried and tried greatly, and at times it seems like I am over the whole ordeal. But today was like a shot in the heart when I found out that he and my ex are engaged now. They have been dating for exactly as long as we have been broken up. The thing is pretty much they started liking each other before we were broken up. I think that is one of the things that hurts the most. But still it hurts to know that. But I just need to get over it.

Right now it seems like life sucks then you die. I know life doesn't suck. It has a lot of great things with it. But it's tough. Especially for an ole romantic like myself. Always wanting to be together with friends, but lately that doesn't seem like something that will happen any time soon. I had a group of friends that I hung out with all the time last year, but this semester we seemed to split away a bit. They stopped calling or texting me when something was going on, but I find out on facebook the next day of everything that happened. So it't like I am losing all my friends. I think I spent all my free time last semester either in my room or the same place I worked at because I didn't feel welcome anywhere else.

Why must I always have problems with feeling welcome? I don't know, life I guess. I will just have to live on and see what the next semester brings. I can't do anything to change what has happened in the past, and the future is a mystery. All I have is this present moment. What I chose to do with it is up to me. I am thinking I will just start life over again, see where that gets me. If I enjoy it I will continue on with it. If not, I will have to chose a new life. Whatever happens, happens. I will just be me, whoever that is.